quotes from politics & politicians.

Just because Adolf Hitler says the sky is blue does not mean that the sky is plaid.
- Unknown

 

Wow, what an honor... to sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush. To be this close to the man... I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough... somebody shoot me in the face. [leaning over towards Bush] Is he really not here tonight? Dammit! The one guy who could have helped!
-Stephen Colbert, at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association Dinner

 

If anybody needs anything else at their tables... just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers, someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
-Stephen Colbert, at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association Dinner

 

I believe in this president. Now, I know that there are some polls out there that say that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls... we know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality, and reality has a well known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty... because 32% means that it is 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
-Stephen Colbert, at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association Dinner

 

I always remember that whatever I have done in the past or may do in the future, Duke University is responsible in one way or another.
-Richard Nixon, showing his colors on the UNC/Duke basketball rivalry

 

I never like to be lied to by a girlfriend or agent and certainly not the president of the United States.
-Burt Bacharach on why he decided to make a political statement with his last album, "At This Time"

 

There's a naked assertion here that the president can do anything he wants, including violating U.S. law domestically.  That's an argument not even a second-year law student would make up on an exam.
-Barry Steinhardt, ACLU privacy law specialist, on President Bush's executive order authorizing the NSA to monitor phone calls and emails without court orders

 

There never was a good war, or a bad peace.
-Ben Franklin

 

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said Tuesday "Everyone is a loser here."
-Front page of CNN.com December 21, 2005

 

Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada.
-Conservative bow-tie-wearing MSNBC pundit Tucker Carlson

 

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed; those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone.  It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  This is not a way of life at all in any true sense.  Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, April 16, 1963

 

[Feminism encourages women to] kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
-Pat Robertson on the 700 Club

 

One night, after George went to bed, Lynn Chaney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales. I won't tell you what happened, but Lynn's secret service codename is now "Dollar Bill".
-First Lady Laura Bush, speaking at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, April 2005

 

Andover and Yale don't have a real strong ranching program... but I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.
-First Lady Laura Bush, speaking at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, April 2005

 

I don't see how we can have a separation of Church & State in this government, if you have to pass a religious test, to get in this government. And I want to warn everyone in the press & all the voters out there, If you demand expressions of Religious Faith from politicians, you are just begging to be lied to. They won't all lie to you, but a lot of them will, and it will be the easiest lie they ever had to tell to get your votes. So every day until the end of this campaign, I will answer any question anyone has on government, but if you have a question on Religion...Please go to church. Thank You.
- Alan Alda as a Republican presidential candidate on "The West Wing"

 

Don't cheerleaders all over America form pyramids six to eight times a year? Is that torture?
-Charles Graner's pitiful Defense Attorney, Guy Womack, referring to the Abu Ghraib torture scandal photos featuring a grinning Graner standing over human pyramids of naked prisoners

 

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
- President Theodore Roosevelt

 

Dear World:  Sorry, we tried.
-Half of America, November 2004

 

How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB?
Front page of the U.K. Daily Mirror, the day after President Bush's re-election, 11-4-04

 

On the 2004 presidential election:
Last night the voice of the people was heard. 
I promise not to imitate it... out of respect for the mentally retarded.
-Lewis Black on the Daily Show, 11-4-04

 

Tomorrow is election day. Get out there and vote, and not just because it's cool, because it's not. Uhh, I will tell you what's cool... smoking. Do that while you vote!
-Jon Stewart on the Daily Show, 11-01-04

 

On a personal note, I am a comedian who makes fun of what I believe to be the absurdities of the government. Make my life difficult. Make this next four years reeeeeeally shitty for me, so that every morning all that we can do is come in and go "uhhhh, Madonna is doing some Kaballah thing, you wanna do that?". I'd like that. I'm tired.
-Jon Stewart on the Daily Show, 11-01-04

 

During the final debate of the 2004 Presidential Election, John Kerry said:
Six months after he said Osama bin Laden must be caught dead or alive, this president was asked, "Where is Osama bin Laden?" He said, "I don't know. I don't really think about him very much. I'm not that concerned."

George W. Bush Responded:
Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations. 

Of course we're worried about Osama bin Laden. We're on the hunt after Osama bin Laden. We're using every asset at our disposal to get Osama bin Laden.

But in a White House press conference on March 13, 2002, President Bush had this to say:
Q: Mr. President, in your speeches now you rarely talk or mention Osama bin Laden.  Why is that?
Bush: So I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him , Kelly, to be honest with you. . . .
Q: But don't you believe that the threat that bin Laden posed won't truly be eliminated until he is found either dead or alive?
Bush: Well, as I say, we haven't heard much from him. And I wouldn't necessarily say he's at the center of any command structure. And, again, I don't know where he is. I  --  I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him.  I know he is on the run. I was concerned about him, when he had taken over a country. I was concerned about the fact that he was basically running Afghanistan and calling the shots for the Taliban.

 

After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain: We will NOT have an all-volunteer army.
-George W. Bush in October 2004 speaking in Florida to peoples' concerns about the looming specter of The Draft in light of the war in Iraq, extended tours of duty for reservists, and difficulty recruiting people into the military. As he kept speaking,  several people in the crowd loudly corrected him.  Once he stopped and listened for a moment, Bush blurted "We WILL have an all-volunteer army!"

 

Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels -- men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion.
-President Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

Of course we're after... uhh... uhhh... Saddam Hussein...
I mean, Osama Bin Laden...
- President George W. Bush, after opponent John Kerry repeatedly
accused him in the presidential debate on 9/30/04
of focusing too much on Saddam Hussein and
not nearly enough on capturing Osama Bin Laden

 

The Iraq war is the major issue in the foreign policy debate between Bush and Kerry.  Now, debates are delicate things, and both of these candidates are fragile men.  The slightest breeze could blow either off his pre-scripted answers... into a dark, disturbing forest of spontaneity.
-Jon Stewart on  The Daily Show, September 2004

 

Too many good docs are going out of business, too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their... their LOVE with women all across this country!
-President George W. Bush, speaking to Missouri constituents about the rising cost of health care 9/7/2004